- Week 1 – Motherhood Changes You
- Day 1 – The transition to motherhood (Matrescence)
- Day 2 – Pitfalls of Motherhood
- Day 3 – Letting go of your pasts
- Day 4 – Societies expectationsUnlimited Time
- Day 5 – Mom guilt and how to love yourself
- Day 6 – Stages of motherhood
- Day 7 – Self Care Day
- Day 7 – Self Care Day
- Week 2 – Finding Yourself And What You WantThis Week Is One Of Self Discovery And Dreaming.
- Day 8 – Dying to be a good mom
- Day 9 – Signature strengths (Part 1)
- Day 10 – Signature strengths (part 2)
- Day 11 – On your death bed
- Day 12 – Self discovery activity
- Day 13 – Self discovery activity
- Day 14 – Self care activity
- Week 3 – Creating Your Personal Manifesto
- Day 15 – A shift in perspective- video
- Day 16 – Assess Your Starting PointUnlimited Time
- Day 17 – The Importance of Work
- Day 18 – Bucket list & what you want
- Day 19 – Personal manifesto part 1)
- Day 20 – Personal manifesto (part 2)
- Day 21 – Self care day
- Week 4- Yes You Can (And You Will)
- Day 22 – Video
- Day 23 – Face your fears/insecurities
- Day 24 – A healthy dose of realism
- Day 25 – An adrenaline rush
- Day 26 – Expectations versus the truth
- Day 26 – Self Care
- Day 28 – Self-Care
- Last 2 Days – Next Steps
- Next Steps
- Next Steps
During the free 30 day challenge to rediscover yourself after motherhood, you are going to learn all about yourself, and what you really want. And you will design the life that you want to live.
Transitioning to Motherhood
Motherhood is a journey, an adventure. We are not the same person after childbirth as before it. It changes us in ways that are often hard to recognize because we become so consumed with caring for our children and managing life on a day-to-day basis.
We’re so busy trying to adjust to being the perfect moms, that we forget to focus on ourselves, and our needs. And so we slowly begin feeling lost, which often leads to moms having an identity crisis.
Motherhood changes your life in ways you couldn’t imagine. You experience a deep, fierce, and undying love for your children. A kind of love you have never experienced before. A love so strong that you probably can’t even describe it.
You become willing to give up anything and everything to keep your child happy. And so you do.
Your child becomes the most important thing in your life.
You spend almost every waking moment taking care of their needs. You are responsible for every aspect of their life.
Your days are spent changing diapers, cooking, and cleaning. You make sure they have completed their homework and teach them manners, skills, and responsibilities.
You organize play dates and activities to keep them happy & socially connected with their friends. The list is endless. And you have no uninterrupted time for yourself. Absolutely no alone time, and maybe even no close friends.
You find yourself sleep-deprived, especially in the first year. You are too exhausted to make good use of the little time you get for yourself. So you end up watching tv or surfing the internet.
You want to do something more fulfilling, but let’s be honest you don’t have enough time or energy to do it. Slowly you become to lose your identity of who you used to be and everything revolves solely around your children.
In other words, it’s like you are almost nonexistent. You have no identity of your own.
And you may even realize this when your once babies are ready to move out of the house onto other things.
Dealing with all the responsibilities of motherhood
One research study found that being a mom is the equivalent of 2.5 full-time jobs. You read that correctly. A survey conducted by OnePoll found that parents are so exhausted that they give up everything from nutrition and sleep to the all-important “me time” thanks to their hectic schedules.
Top reported mom jobs according to the poll:
- Meal planner – 65%
- Chef/cook – 65%
- Cleaner – 61%
- Launderer – 59%
- Teacher – 59%
- Nurse – 55%
- Life coach – 53%
- Personal assistant – 53%
- Therapist – 50%
- Event planner – 49%
Top reasons moms lose their sense of self
If you feel like motherhood hasn’t lived up to your expectations you’re not alone. This is a recurring theme found amongst moms.
And studies have found that there are 3 main reasons that women feel lost and lonely after becoming mothers
- Societies expectations
- Lack of purpose
- Mom Guilt
Reason # 1 – Societies Expectations
Society has expectations that are not only high but completely unrealistic, of what a good mom should be.
You are expected to have this picture-perfect family with children that are well-behaved, happy, intelligent, and respectful. Society expects you to maintain the perfect marriage at all times. One that’s full of passion and excitement.
Thanks to social media, you have access to an unlimited number of photo albums that represent the perfect family. Every family has its own unique story but somehow they always look picture-perfect. And most all of them are staged for the “gram”.
You’re expected to be strong and independent with a fulfilling career. So you feel looked down upon by society if you’re a stay-at-home mom.
And often the recipient of snide comments like ‘what do you do all day?’ or ‘I could never do that. I’d be so bored.” eye roll
If you’re working outside the home, you’re looked down on for not cooking your children home-cooked meals, or doing elaborate Pinterest-worthy activities with your children.
No matter what the situation is, the fact of the matter is that society has too many expectations. And it’s not just society alone.
The pressure comes from spouses, parents, and even in-laws all with their own set of expectations on you as a mother.
Since we can’t live up to society’s extremely unrealistic expectations, we never feel happy about what we’re doing.
Sneak Peak # 1 into the challenge to rediscover yourself after motherhood
One of the many activities you’ll complete during the next 30 days will be learning to let go of society’s expectations, and stop caring about what other people think of you.
Instead, you’ll learn to listen to your inner voice so that you make decisions that make you genuinely happy. You’ll learn to live life by your own rules and do what you feel passionate about.
If you want to be a SAHM for the rest of your life, who cares about what other people say. And if you want to start your own business go for it! Do what your heart desires – not what society tells you to.
Reason #2 – Feel a Lack of Purpose
When you become a mom your life revolves around your children. And while you want to feel like they are your ultimate purpose it’s much harder than most people would think.
The reason for this is that a large sense of your purpose comes from using your special skills to accomplish goals that you set for yourself.
Unfortunately, moms are so busy focusing on their children, they stop focusing on what their special skills are. They worry more about doing what is best for everyone else, than making sure that they are incorporating their strengths and skills in their everyday life.
Sneak peak # 2 into the challenge to rediscovering yourself after motherhood
Signatures strengths are character strengths that are essential to who we are as individuals. They are what comes to you naturally, and form an important part of your identity.
You were probably using them every day before you became a mom but gave up using them because you were too focused on giving your children what they needed.
During the next 30 days, you will spend time finding out what your signature strengths are, and how you can incorporate them into your everyday life.
Reason # 3 – Mom Guilt
A study completed by Ocobock at the University of Notre Dam found that moms feel guilty about almost everything. They feel like they are never doing enough. Ocobock said, “Put simply, moms felt guilty whatever they were doing.”
Feelings of guilt often make you feel anxiety, frustration, and anger. They make you feel like you are not good enough, and that you need to be more. This is why so many mothers are always looking for ways to do more. To be more.
It’s difficult to feel like your life is happy or fulfilling when you just don’t feel good enough.
Sneak Peak # 3 into the challenge to rediscovering yourself after motherhood
Letting go of mom guilt is hard. But it will make the world of a difference in how complete and fulfilled you feel.
During the next 30 days, you will take part in activities where you will learn to let go of your guilt, your past, and slowly start to love and accept yourself.
Self-love may sound like a completely foreign concept, and you may think that it is an airy-fairy concept that doesn’t really mean anything.
But when we love ourselves we are capable of loving other people in a much more meaningful way. We will be able to have better relationships with our kids, spouses, siblings, parents – everyone!
Self-love also makes us feel truly confident about who we are – which is so powerful because it allows us to take charge of the direction of our lives, and permit ourselves to follow our hearts.
About this 30 day challenge – Rediscovering yourself after motherhood
This 30-day challenge has been specifically designed to help you become your own person, and develop a new identity. This challenge aims to create new motherhood and a new life where your life will be forever changed.
- A blueprint to redesign your life the way you want & actionable steps that you will take for the next 30 days.
- Self-discovery exercises to understand your dreams, passions & desires better.
- Strategies to feel skilled and valued again
- An opportunity to make friends, talk to adults, and most importantly have fun!
- Create a personal manifesto and complete creative activities to uncover your strengths, passions, and purpose.
Find creative ways to achieve your dreams – while dealing with the realities of motherhood.
Who should complete this challenge to rediscover yourself after motherhood
Stay At Home Moms
Losing their identity is a frustration that stay-at-home moms (like me) often express the most vehemently. And that is because we end up giving up almost everything to take care of our children.
Don’t get me wrong. I love my son so much. He is my entire world. And just a smile or kiss from him melts my heart. I would choose him over having a social life, professional life, or just time for myself.
But here’s the thing. Why do we have to choose between having a life and having a baby?
Yes having children changed us but it didn’t take away our desire to learn, to grow, to have a life, to be valued by society. And of course to have time for self-care.
Working Mom
Working moms get virtually no time for themselves. Work can be a break sometimes, but it doesn’t give you the time to just sit back and relax.
This 30-day challenge helps you identify what you really want out of life and help you craft strategies to achieve it. That includes making time for yourself.
Empty nester mom
Mom’s life has been your identity your whole life, and when your kids suddenly leave you feeling lost. Where do you go from here? All you know how to be is a mother. That was your whole identity.
Completing this challenge will allow you to create your own life. An identity that doesn’t revolve around your babies. You will try other things, and learn how to become your own person. It’s time to stop living the mom life, and start to live for yourself.
Mom’s who know there’s more out there
I’m not necessarily advocating the “you can have it all” lifestyle. I’m suggesting designing your life in such a way that makes you happy.
That you find something in your life for yourself other than your kids. Something that is just for you.
Moms often tell me that they’ve been moms for so long that they don’t know how to do that? They can’t or don’t want to go back to work full time. And they no longer know what their interests and hobbies really are.
This 30-day challenge provides a blueprint for moms to discover themselves again. To find out what makes them happy other than their family. And to start implementing it in their lives
What led to the creation of this challenge to rediscover yourself after motherhood
A few years ago my life was very different. I was a respected and valued member of the company I worked for.
My days were spent guiding my team and implementing change management within the organization.
But after I had my child I had to choose between working and staying at home. So I decided to leave my fulfilling career. And it’s a decision that I do not regret. At all.
I love spending time with my son. I love being able to teach him new things. To be there for all his firsts. To observe his childlike wonder. And to take part in it.
But as moms, we have to take the time to fulfill our needs & desires as well. Our desire to have adult experiences and relationships. To use our strengths and skills outside the home.
To be valued for something other than being a mom.
That’s what happened to me
After having my son I became a stay-at-home mom so that I could spend as much time as possible. I was able to enjoy his silly sense of humor and his childlike excitement about everything. I loved making him laugh hysterically. And I loved how safe and content he felt with me.
But something was still missing. Gradually I realized what was wrong. I wasn’t engaging in activities that challenged me and made me think. I was no longer doing the things that I loved. The things that made me feel alive.
Before having my son I had been an adventurous person. I had enjoyed traveling the world and meeting new people. I went skydiving, bungee jumping, and white water rafting. But now those activities were a distant memory.
And the truth is those were things I didn’t even want to do anymore. Because motherhood had changed me. It had changed my priorities and what I wanted for myself.
Rediscovering Myself After Motherhood
And so I began the journey to rediscover myself. Speed reading comes naturally to me so I started reading all the self-development books I could.
And using the advice of experts & science-backed research I created a plan to rediscover myself & redesign my life accordingly. Here are some of the things that I did to feel whole again.
Made time for myself.
The first and most important step in this entire process is setting aside some time for yourself. You may feel guilty when you first do this. I know I did. After all my husband worked.
I was just a stay-at-home mom. What right did I have to be tired? Why did I need time for myself?
But it was something that needed to be done. One day after a particularly tough day my husband casually commented “Do you notice that Bubba (nickname for our son) mirrors your moods. When you’re happy he’s happy. When you’re upset he gets fussy.”
That was a wake-up call for me. If I wanted my son to be happy, I had to make sure I took out the time to make myself happy first.
The amount of time you can make for yourself will depend on a lot of things. I set aside 1 hour a day just for myself.
My husband would come home after work, relax for half an hour, and then he would take over responsibility for my son. And in that hour I would spend time rediscovering myself.
Every other Sunday my husband started to spend special father-son time. Again time I used for myself. That meant no cleaning, no cooking, no housework. Real my time.
Created a personal manifesto
A big part of finding purpose in my life was figuring out what my values and goals were. I created a personal manifesto where I was able to articulate exactly what I wanted to achieve.
Once I had created long-term goals for myself I was able to create short-term goals which ultimately led me to where I wanted to be.
Did Self-discovery Journaling
Once you’ve set aside some time for yourself start journaling to figure out what things you enjoy. Here are some journaling ideas to get you started. They are what I used during my self-discovery journey. And they resulted in lots of aha moments for me.
- What makes you happy
- For the next half hour right down the times, you’ve experienced the greatest joy in your life. Write down who you were with and what you were doing. How you felt during those activities and why. Try and pinpoint the what and the why for each activity in as detailed a way as possible.
- See if you can find any patterns. In particular, include the skills and strengths you were using. Here is a list of signature strengths to get you going.
- Try and include incidents from as far back as you can remember. Yes even when you were a child
- Be specific. Don’t just say when you went on vacation. Write down the particular activities that you enjoyed during that vacation. And try and think about what made you feel good.
- If you’re writing about the time you spent with your kids write down what made that particular activity more enjoyable than others.
- Write down At least 5 instances. More if you can think of them
- What are your top strengths?
- When do you feel most alive? Why? What were you doing? Who were you with?
Experimenting
I felt like I had completely forgotten who I was and what I wanted out of life. And so I experimented with new things to find my passion again.
To give you an idea of how this plays out I’ve written down the activities I tried out while trying to figure out what I liked You’ll notice that I completed a lot of activities where I learned new skills.
That’s because learning is particularly important to me. Something that the signature strengths test I completed (which is included in this 30-day challenge) also picked up on.
Experiences Experience
Photography
I’ve been terrible with taking photos of us as a family so I I thought I would work on improving my photography skills.
I didn’t invest in a DSLR camera or anything because I didn’t want to spend the money unless I enjoyed photography. Instead, I attempted to hone my smartphone photography skills using this website.
I tried to follow the tips and strategies and work on taking amazing photos. But I soon realized photography was just not going to be my passion. To be honest I found it quite boring.
I lasted all 3 days with this particular activity.
Conclusion: That’s a hard pass from me. I had no interest in learning photography
Learn Python
I’ve never studied computer science so I was learning this language from scratch. I signed up for a free Coursera class and started learning.
Learning python definitely exercised my brain – in a good way. I’ve always been slightly afraid of coding so i was hesitant to dive into this course. But studying python made me realize that coding is not as difficult as is sounds.
The fact that I was able to learn even the basics of python was also fantastic for my confidence. Just because I’m a stay-at-home mom doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my ability to learn or think!
Conclusion: Better than photography but not a skill I would be investing more time in.
Meditating
I completed a 30-day meditation challenge and by the end of the month, I was meditating twice a day for 10 minutes each.
When I started meditating I found it difficult to focus and considered stopping. But after being told time and time again that meditation becomes easier with time I stuck with it.
And I am so glad I did.
Soon my meditation practice was what kept me calm and clearheaded. Mom brain was something I suffered with since giving birth. But meditation helped give me clarity and made me more mindful. It definitely made me a more attentive mom as well.
Conclusion: Meditation was something that I needed. I try and meditate at least once a day now.
Write a Blog
I almost didn’t start my own blog but I’m SO GLAD I did. This was definitely my favorite activity to do. It kept me engaged, mentally stimulated and was definitely a learning experience. Most importantly writing a blog allowed me to help other people.
As I mentioned before I’m a self-help junkie so I’ve probably read every personal development book that exists. I decided to use my blog to convert the techniques and tips provided by experts into daily actionable steps that anyone can take.
When I started writing my blog I didn’t expect much, but it completely changed my life. I now have a thriving website, and I’m able to use my signature strengths to make a difference in other people’s lives.
What this taught me
There can be more to life than where you are right now. Once you start discovering who you are after a mother, you may learn things about yourself that you never expected.
So many women with kids who feel lost continue to ignore their own needs, keep doing the same things, stay their old selves, and yet expect a life change. The only way to create a new you is to try something new.
In other words, reclaim your lost identity by rediscovering yourself after motherhood!